I know what it feels like when different parts of you seem to be pulling in opposite directions. As a trauma therapist, I use Internal Family Systems (IFS) because it offers a compassionate way to understand those parts, connect with your core Self, and begin the deeper healing work.
In this guide, I’ll walk you through what IFS is and how it works. You’ll meet the different parts of your inner system, Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles, and learn how they show up in daily life. I’ll also give you some guidance on how to connect with an IFS therapist here in King County or Pierce County, WA.
What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy and How Does It Work?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy is a respected, non-judgmental approach that views the mind as a system of inner “parts,” all connected to a core Self. Each part carries its own feelings, beliefs, and roles, and when these parts work in harmony under the guidance of the Self, deep healing becomes possible.
IFS was developed in the 1980s by family therapist Richard C. Schwartz, who saw that people naturally experience themselves as having multiple parts. Rather than pathologizing this inner multiplicity, he created IFS as a trauma-informed model that honors every part with compassion. Today, IFS is used worldwide to help people heal from trauma, resolve inner conflicts, and live with greater peace.
The model rests on three guiding principles:
- No Bad Parts – Every part has a protective role, even if its actions create challenges.
- Multiplicity of Mind – Our inner world is made up of Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles, each with a distinct role.
- Self-Leadership – When your core Self leads with qualities like curiosity, calm, and compassion, your system moves toward balance and healing.
In IFS, parts are seen as semi-independent aspects of the psyche:
- Managers focus on planning and controlling to prevent pain.
- Firefighters react quickly in moments of distress, often with impulsive or distracting behaviors.
- Exiles carry the weight of painful memories and unmet needs from the past.
At the heart of IFS is the Self—the core of who you are, untouched by trauma. Self-energy shows up through the “8 Cs of Self-leadership”: calm, curiosity, clarity, compassion, confidence, courage, creativity, and connectedness. When the Self takes the lead, parts feel safe enough to share their burdens, making space for healing and greater inner peace.
Who Are Your Internal Parts? Understanding Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles
In Internal Family Systems (IFS), one of the first steps in healing is getting to know your internal parts. Each part has a specific role to play in keeping you safe, even if its strategies sometimes create problems in daily life. As a trauma therapist, I often see how these parts show up for people who have lived through painful or overwhelming experiences. By recognizing how Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles operate within your system, you can begin to understand the patterns that shape your emotions, relationships, and choices.
Manager Parts
Managers work hard behind the scenes to prevent you from feeling pain. They take on roles like perfectionism, self-criticism, or people-pleasing, often pushing you to stay in control and avoid situations that might stir up vulnerability. Their intention is to keep you safe and accepted, but their methods can leave you feeling anxious or exhausted.
Firefighter Parts
When the defenses of Managers aren’t enough and painful emotions break through, Firefighters step in. Their focus is on putting out the emotional fire as quickly as possible. This often shows up as impulsive or numbing behaviors—overeating, drinking, substance use, or distraction. Firefighters prioritize immediate relief over long-term balance, which can provide temporary comfort but also keep deeper wounds from being addressed.
Exile Parts
Exiles carry the weight of unresolved trauma and emotional pain. These are the parts of you that hold feelings of shame, fear, grief, or loneliness. To protect you from being overwhelmed, Managers and Firefighters often work to keep Exiles hidden away. But Exiles don’t disappear—they continue to influence how you feel and react, often surfacing in ways that disrupt your life until they are given space to be seen and healed.
How These Parts Work Together
Your system of parts is always interacting. Managers try to prevent Exiles from being triggered, Firefighters rush in when pain breaks through, and Exiles remain burdened until the Self can step in with compassion and leadership. This inner push and pull can feel chaotic, but with guidance, it becomes possible to bring understanding and balance into the system.
Common Behaviors and Feelings of Each Part
| Part Type | Protective Strategy | Common Behaviors & Feelings |
|---|---|---|
| Manager | Prevents triggers | Perfectionism, self-criticism, people-pleasing; anxiety |
| Firefighter | Reacts to contain distress | Impulsive eating, substance use, dissociation; agitation |
| Exile | Hides emotional pain | Shame, fear, grief; vulnerability and overwhelm |
Managers keep Exiles contained through control. Firefighters rush in when emotional pain surfaces. Exiles remain wounded until they are met with self-compassion. When the Self leads with calm, clarity, and compassion, your parts can finally begin to relax and heal.
What Are the 8 Cs of Self-Leadership in IFS Therapy?
In Internal Family Systems (IFS), the Self is the calm center of who you are—untouched by trauma, unbroken, and always available. When the Self is leading, your parts feel safe enough to step back and share what they carry. Psychologist Richard Schwartz, who developed IFS, identified eight qualities that naturally emerge when your Self is in charge. These qualities—often called the “8 Cs”—create the foundation for healing, balance, and inner peace.
Curiosity
Curiosity allows you to approach your inner world with openness instead of judgment. When you notice a critical voice or a part that feels scared, curiosity invites you to wonder, “What is this part trying to show me?” Instead of pushing it away, curiosity makes space for listening and understanding.
Calm
Calm is the steady presence that reassures your parts it’s safe to come forward. Without calm, parts often stay defensive or hidden. With calm, your nervous system settles, and your parts begin to trust that they can share their burdens without being overwhelmed.
Confidence
Confidence gives your Self the assurance that you can handle what arises inside. It isn’t about controlling or overpowering your parts—it’s about trusting your ability to lead them with steadiness. When confidence is present, protective parts can step back, knowing they don’t have to do all the work anymore.
Compassion
Compassion is the gentle warmth that embraces your parts exactly as they are. Instead of judging them for their methods, compassion sees their positive intention. A critical Manager or a reactive Firefighter softens when they feel the compassion of your Self, opening the way for real healing.
Courage
Courage is what allows you to face the deeper pain carried by Exiles. These wounded parts often hold grief, fear, or shame that can feel overwhelming. Courage doesn’t mean rushing in—it means being willing to stay present with what hurts, step by step, without turning away.
Creativity
Creativity brings new ways of relating to your parts and finding solutions beyond old patterns. A creative Self can help you discover practices, imagery, or perspectives that support healing in ways that feel personal and alive. Creativity is also what helps you reimagine a life beyond trauma.
Clarity
Clarity gives you the ability to see the difference between your Self and your parts. Without clarity, it’s easy to get blended—feeling like you are the shame, the anger, or the fear. With clarity, you can recognize, “This is a part of me, but it isn’t all of me.” That shift opens space for healing.
Connectedness
Connectedness ties it all together. It’s the sense that your parts, your relationships, and your life are part of a greater whole. Connectedness builds trust inside your system, allowing your parts to feel included rather than isolated. It also extends outward, deepening your connections with others.
When these 8 Cs are present, your parts can begin to relax, release their burdens, and move toward harmony. Cultivating them—both in therapy and in daily life—creates resilience and lasting peace.
What Are the Benefits of Internal Family Systems Therapy for Mental Health?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy offers a gentle yet powerful way to heal by helping your internal parts work together under the guidance of your Self. When your Self is in the lead, the protective strategies of your parts begin to soften, and the deeper wounds carried by Exiles can be acknowledged and healed. This process not only supports mental health but also transforms the way you relate to yourself and others.
Anxiety and Depression
IFS helps ease anxiety and depression by shifting how you relate to your inner system. When you learn to step back from self-critical Manager parts and instead respond with Self-compassion, the cycle of worry and low mood begins to lighten. Exiles that carry feelings of fear or despair can finally be comforted, creating more emotional balance and stability. Pilot evidence supports this: Journal of Marital and Family Therapy – Haddock, Weiler, Trump, & Henry (2017)
Trauma and PTSD Recovery
One of the most powerful applications of IFS is in healing trauma and post-traumatic stress. By creating a safe internal space, IFS allows Exile parts to slowly release the burden of traumatic memories. As those wounds are witnessed with compassion, symptoms like hypervigilance, flashbacks, and emotional numbing often begin to ease. Over time, this work builds resilience and helps you feel safer in your own body and relationships. Pilot evidence supports this in adult survivors of multiple childhood trauma: Hodgdon, Anderson, Southwell, Hrubec, & Schwartz (2022),Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma
Self-Compassion and Emotional Well-Being
IFS emphasizes that there are no bad parts—every part of you has been trying, in its own way, to protect you. Recognizing this truth replaces judgment with understanding. Instead of fighting against yourself, you can meet your parts with patience and empathy. This shift increases self-acceptance, reduces inner conflict, and supports lasting emotional well-being.
Relationships and Communication
When you practice Self-leadership, it naturally extends to your relationships. Leading with calm, compassion, and clarity allows you to communicate more honestly and set healthier boundaries. Old cycles of conflict or defensiveness begin to soften, and deeper emotional connection becomes possible. Many clients notice that as they grow in IFS therapy, their relationships feel safer, more authentic, and more fulfilling.
What Practical IFS Therapy Techniques and Exercises Can You Try?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) isn’t just something that happens in session—it’s a practice you can carry into your daily life. Simple experiential exercises can help you engage with your parts and strengthen Self-energy between sessions. These techniques encourage dialogue, deepen understanding, and create safe opportunities for healing.
The Six Fs Technique
The Six Fs—Find, Focus, Flesh Out, Feel Toward, Befriend, and Fear—offer a step-by-step way to connect with a part in a structured, compassionate manner. You begin by finding the part that’s calling for attention, then focus on the feelings or sensations it carries. From there, you flesh out its role and history, and notice how you feel toward it. With curiosity and compassion, you can begin to befriend the part, creating trust. Finally, you explore any fears it may hold about change or healing. This process helps protective parts soften and makes room for cooperation within your system.
Journaling with Parts
Journaling provides a direct line of communication with your inner world. Writing prompts like, “Dear Manager, what are you afraid will happen if Exiles emerge?” or “Dear Firefighter, how do you try to help me when I’m in pain?” can invite parts to share their perspective. By writing freely and without judgment, you create a safe space for them to be heard. Over time, journaling builds trust between your Self and your parts, and helps uncover patterns you may not have noticed before.
Guided Meditations
Guided meditations in IFS often begin by centering yourself in your breath and visualizing a safe inner space. From there, you can invite your parts to show themselves in images, sensations, or words. With Self-energy leading, you can listen, offer compassion, and visualize healing interactions—like holding a frightened Exile or reassuring a protective Manager. Meditations can be a gentle way to build connection with your parts without rushing the process.
Body Scans
A body scan helps you identify parts that may be holding tension, discomfort, or emotional energy. Moving your attention slowly through your body, you might notice tightness in your chest, heaviness in your stomach, or restlessness in your hands. Rather than dismissing these sensations, IFS invites you to approach them with curiosity: “Is there a part of me that feels anxious here? What does it want me to know?” This practice strengthens your ability to recognize when a part is active and respond from your Self with care.
Is Internal Family Systems Therapy Evidence-Based and Who Can Benefit?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy is widely recognized as an evidence-based approach that supports healing across a range of mental health concerns. IFS is particularly beneficial for individuals who want to address deeper trauma without pathologizing their internal world. Its strength lies in honoring every part of the self, creating a safe and compassionate framework for healing. Because of this, it’s accessible to anyone seeking more balance, self-understanding, and inner peace. Data shows an online, group-based IFS program for people with co-occurring PTSD and substance use (PARTS-SUD) was feasible and acceptable, with significant weekly reductions in PTSD symptoms and craving in a pilot study published in Frontiers in Psychiatry (2025)
IFS has been shown to help:
- Anxiety and panic disorders
- Major depression
- Complex trauma and PTSD
- Substance use challenges
- Ongoing relational conflict or self-criticism
Beyond individual work, IFS is effective with couples and families by fostering communication and self-awareness that extends outward into relationships. Its adaptability also makes it a valuable complement to other trauma-focused approaches. For example, when integrated with EMDR, IFS helps prepare protective parts through Self-leadership before trauma reprocessing. This combination enhances both safety and depth of healing by pairing parts work with the bilateral stimulation techniques of EMDR.
How Can You Find an IFS Therapist in King County and Pierce County, WA?
Finding the right therapist is an important step in beginning Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. A qualified practitioner ensures you’re supported in a safe, respectful, and expert-led way. For Washington residents, IFS therapy is available both in person and online, making it accessible whether you live in King County, Pierce County, or in surrounding areas.
When looking for an IFS therapist, here are key things to keep in mind:
- IFS Institute Certification – Therapists trained or certified through the IFS Institute have specialized expertise in guiding parts work safely.
- Trauma-Informed Training – Look for additional credentials in trauma-focused modalities, as these approaches integrate well with IFS.
- Non-Judgmental Approach – The right therapist will honor every part of you with compassion and respect.
- Commitment to Self-Leadership – A focus on helping you strengthen your Self ensures lasting healing.
- Accessibility and Care – Many therapists offer secure online sessions, providing flexibility for both rural and urban clients in King and Pierce Counties.
At Awakenings Counseling PNW, I specialize in Internal Family Systems Therapy with a focus on trauma healing and deep self-discovery. My approach blends IFS with other trauma-informed practices, always guided by warmth, compassion, and respect for your pace. Whether through secure teletherapy or in-person support, I help you explore your parts, strengthen your Self-leadership, and move toward lasting transformation.
IFS therapy creates an opportunity to heal from the inside out, cultivating resilience, balance, and healthier relationships. If you’re ready to begin your journey with IFS in King or Pierce County, I’d love to connect and support you in taking that first step.
Conclusion
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a profound and compassionate framework for understanding and healing the inner world. By recognizing that each part of us has a positive intention, even when its actions are problematic, we can move from self-criticism to self-compassion. The journey of IFS involves connecting with your core Self, the source of wisdom and healing, and allowing it to guide your internal system toward balance and integration. Whether you are dealing with anxiety, depression, trauma, or relationship challenges, IFS provides practical tools and a deeply respectful approach to foster lasting well-being and inner peace.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the core concept of IFS therapy?
The core concept of IFS therapy is that the mind is comprised of multiple “parts,” each with its own unique role, feelings, and beliefs. At the center of this system is the “Self,” an innate core of wisdom, compassion, and calm that is always present. IFS aims to help individuals access their Self to heal wounded parts and create harmony within their internal system.
How does IFS differentiate between “parts” and the “Self”?
In IFS, “parts” are seen as sub-personalities or aspects of the psyche that have developed specific roles, often in response to life experiences. They can be protective (like Managers and Firefighters) or carry burdens from the past (like Exiles). The “Self,” on the other hand, is considered the true essence of a person—inherently whole, calm, curious, compassionate, and confident. The Self is not a part that developed in response to experience; it is the fundamental nature of who we are.
Can IFS be helpful for people who have experienced complex trauma?
Yes, IFS is particularly well-suited for individuals who have experienced complex trauma. Its trauma-informed approach emphasizes creating safety and working at the pace of the client. By helping individuals access their Self-energy, IFS provides a way to gently unburden exiled parts that hold traumatic memories, without re-traumatizing them. The focus on compassion and understanding for all parts makes it a powerful tool for healing deep wounds.
References
- Schwartz, R. C., & Sweezy, M. (2019). Internal family systems therapy (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
- Haddock, S. A., Weiler, L. M., Trump, L. J., & Henry, K. L. (2017). The efficacy of Internal Family Systems therapy in the treatment of depression among female college students: A pilot study. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 43(1), 131–144.
- Hodgdon, H. B., Anderson, F. G., Southwell, E., Hrubec, W., & Schwartz, R. (2022). Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) among survivors of multiple childhood trauma: A pilot effectiveness study. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 31(1), 22–43.
- Ally, D., Tobiasz-Veltz, L., Tu, K., Comeau, A., Bumpus, C., Blot, T., Rice, F. K., Orr, B., Soumerai Rea, H., Sweezy, M., & Schuman-Olivier, Z. (2025). A pilot study of an online group-based Internal Family Systems intervention for comorbid posttraumatic stress disorder and substance use. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 16, 1544435.
